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Thursday, February 19, 2009

Helmet Wahala!!!!!!!

I don't know if u guys heard but on the 1st of january 2009 the lagos state govt passed a law directing all motorcyclists and commercial motorbike riders(aka OKADA)to wear helmets.

Of course u know naija now, several people disobeyed and over 1000 bikes were impounded and kept by the local govts.

By the 2nd of Jan, everybody tried to comply. I will explain.

Last week i spoke to one of ma home boys in naija asking him the state of naija and if there was improvements. He told me he saw a woman passenger on OKADA wearing gele(headtie) with a helmet balanced on it (i.e. the headtie). So what is the helmet protecting? The headtie?

More amazement, my home boy told me another guy drove past on OKADA with a.....wait for it...... a paint bucket on his head! A Dulux pangolo paint buckets (the small size), he put it on his head and used the handle as strap under his chin.

The sight was so retarded that all the police men at Herbert Macaulay junction
burst out laughing in stupor and shock as the guy rode past them.
Now what do you call that? Ingenuity?....My naija ppl y naija no go change...jus to afford common helmet is a problem but i love ma naija ppl cuz we dey HUSTLE!!!!!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Kelly Hansome records gospel version of Maga Don Pay!!!!! LOL

Like afropop singer, Olu Maintain, fast rising Nigerian singer, Kelly Hansome has been criticised for glorifying internet crime. Kelly has however stated in several media interviews that contrary to what people may think, Maga Don Pay was a song celebrating the favour of God on a man!

”It depends on how you want to look at it. Maga is an acronymn for Man And God Always. God will use man to bless you; so that man is your maga. And when they say I talked about ’system’ in the song; the world we live in is an ecosystem; and na magas dey control the system,” he said to press men recently.

i guess what kelly was trying to say is that be quick to bless others with your resources and you will rule your world!![lol..nice try]

For those who may not be comfortable with the equivocal maga do pay, the Kennis Music act has recorded a gospel version of the monster hit single. the song titled Jesus Don Win, we gathered, will be included his full length album which would be released early next year.

Jim Iyke Records Rap Album!!!

Nollywood actor, Jim Iyke is preparing to debut as a rap artiste. we gather that Nollywood’s bad boy is currently in the studios putting finishing touches to his yet untitled rap album.

those who have been previledged to hear some of his recordings say that fans would be blown away by jim iyke’s extraordinary rap talent. critics on the other hand wonder if the nollywood actor turned singer would be highly embraced by the hihop community or join the rest of “failed nollywood musicians”

you would recall that the likes of Osuofia, Ramsey Nouah, Shan George, Genevieve Nnaji, Omotola, Mr. Ibu, Segun Arinze, Desmond Elliot having tried to have a peice to the “highly lucrative” music industry but to no avail. we hope jimmy boy will break the jinx.

My barber and my dandruff!!!!!!!!

No, I don’t have dandruff. And I know I don’t have dandruff because my wife, who should be the first to complain if I have dandruff, is not complaining. And there is no itch on my head, which I understand is a symptom of dandruff. So in summary, in totality and finality, I don’t have dandruff. But my barber insists I do.

You see, my barber is quite popular with ‘honourable’ heads. At the salon the other day, I bumped into an honourable member of the National Assembly; and the other other day a couple of honourable Commissioners. So all in all, my barber does some brisk business with top heads. And because the price of a haircut is fixed, and not every customer remembers to leave a tip, my barber has to invent more ways of survival. His fundraising way with me is with my ‘dandruff’. Almost every time I go to have a haircut, the first thing he says when he reaches near my scalp is that “Alhaji, you have dandruff.”

It began like a joke. I would laugh and say, “Hey, I don’t have dandruff!” Then he would scrape my scalp and show me some powdery white stuff: my very dandruff. So I gave up resisting. The third time he said I had dandruff, I said, “Yeah, yeah, I have dandruff, and it’s killing me. What do I do about it?” He had the right remedy: a big bottle of hair shampoo which he assured would do away with the irritant in no time: “Just rub in at every shower and you are bye-bye to dandruff”, he said. So I bought the hair shampoo on which was written Head and Shoulders. (I still wonder what my shoulders had to do with it). I took it home but actually never got round to using it; so convinced I was that I had no dandruff for a start, but not for a finish. And that was the beginning of my travails.

At the next visit, he commended the healing process of my dandruff, but announced with a flourish that yet another, better, remedy had come into town. This time, it was an ointment which you would rub into your scalp after every morning shower. Rather than argue, I bought the stuff. And took it home. And put it on the side of the big bottle of shampoo on the shoulder of my bathroom mirror. Out of curiosity I one day opened the ointment bottle to smell the content; it was so strongly ghastly I nearly threw up, and so threw it away.

A couple of weeks later, I went back to my barber. All this time I had not used any of those remedies. Yet he complimented me for a job well done: my dandruff (which I knew never existed), had all but disappeared, he commended. So I was on my guard for any further recommendations he would make. Lo and behold, he offered an after-dandruff rub which, he claimed, would ensure it never came back. I bought up and gave up.

Over the few years I have been a ‘patient’ patient at this dandruff ‘surgery’, I had been coaxed into buying an ear- and nose-hair trimmer (“the perfect thing for busy people such as you Alhaji”). And he recommended a new apron, and a new set of clippers. By the time he was done with me, my bathroom had as many gadgets as he had in his show glass. Over the course of a few years, my barber has made me buy a range of hair-care products I can well do without. So far I have several shampoos, a couple of ointments, a set of brushes, two clippers, a napkin, an apron (yes, including an apron), and that ear- and nose-hair trimmer which needs batteries that I haven’t come round to buying. Simple predatory marketing, I must admit, but I was the fool for it.

So how did I fall into this trap? I am otherwise quite a thrifty person with my scarce resources, yet look at this barber who has made sure he parted me with my hard-earned money over time. He must have something which I don’t. On closer scrutiny, I found that the one who holds your head (and has a weapon to hand) brooks no argument. So it was instinctive buying.

So there is no conflict at the top of my head. As there is no conflict at the top of our national government. If the top is at peace, the bottom should fare well. So it is with concern that I warn people who look at our top man and comment, “Kai! This guy really looks ill”, to sheath their swords, or clippers, as the case may be. Who said he is unwell? Is he complaining to you? Is she complaining? So what is your own commenting where you are not required to comment? As there is no conflict on my head, there cannot be conflict at the nation’s top. People just scrape some powdery white stuff and claim it is dandruff. It is not.

Even if I had dandruff, come to think of it, was I complaining? But the barber had this scary theory that, left untreated, dandruff can descend into one’s eyes, and one’s teeth. Fie! If dandruff can sit unobtrusively on my head without the head-owner complaining, why can’t our top guy sit safely on his seat? The nation is not complaining of any itching and/or scratching on its head. The head is perfect.

Therefore, O my barber, just leave my dandruff alone. I am not complaining. We are not complaining whether the top man looks ill or doesn’t; whether he is up and doing, or down and undoing. There is no conflict whatsoever. My dandruff only affects me. So let him be. And let my dandruff be.

Two people stoned to death in Benue State over ritual killing

Two people in Benue State were stoned to death by a mob for the killing of a man for ritual purposes.

The man was suspected to be have been killed by unknown ritualists. The ritualists are said to have removed his heart and left his body by the road and then taken away his motorcycle.

Youths in the area are then said to have been searching for the ritualists and arrested the two men who they then stoned to death.

Pass me ur love - ft Terry G


D' banj - SuDdEnLy!!!!!!!